My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.